Sirius Black's Wonderful Life
by midnightmoon59
Summary: SLASH. Remus/Sirius. On Christmas Eve, Sirius is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Never Been. M for language, might be over doing it though. ONESHOT.


Sirius couldn't stand it. He was alone on Christmas Eve. For four years, every Christmas Eve, he and Remus would always sit together eating chocolate and reading each other Christmas stories. And last year, while they were both wrapped up in a blanket, Sirius had closed the gap and realized that chocolate tasted better when it was in Remus's mouth first.

But this year Remus hated him.

"Hey, uh, Sirius?" a voiced asked the darkness.

"Moony?" Sirius croaked hopefully.

"Err, no, it's James. Light a candle please." Sirius did as he was told.

"Jesus Christ, you look horrible. Come downstairs, we have Firewhisky."

"No fun, no drinking, no food. No life. Just want to die."

"Can you be any more pathetic? I mean, he's going to forgive you. So, come on."

"No, James, I can't. I want to but I can't until Remus forgives me, which will never happen. Maybe I never should have lived."

"Fine, stay here. Waste away to nothing. Merry Christmas, catch!" James threw a red and green wrapped gift at Sirius. Sirius made no effort to catch it though so it just hit his head with a _boink_. Sirius closed his eyes in pain and weighed the package briefly before flinging it off the bed. Behind closed lids, tears welled up.

"It's not okay Sirius; just go to sleep and when you wake up, if you wake up, everything will be better," he whispered to himself and the dark, empty room.

A scream woke him, but it wasn't a frightened scream, just a scream of delight from downstairs. Somewhere a clock chimed. Sirius rolled over, counting the bells. On the twelfth, he opened his eyes to flash of silver light.

A man was in the center of the light, but Sirius could tell this wasn't an ordinary man. This being was extremely tall and thin. His hair was shaggy and red, with green eyes hiding behind fringe. Wrapped around the shade was a plain white cloth. In his hand was a lantern with gold light streaming out of the glass panes.

"Sirius Black," the spirit said. His voice was musical, floating in the air like cigarette smoke.

"Yes, ghost?"

"You wish you never lived?"

Sirius hesitated for two seconds. "Yes."

"I am here to show you that your life matters, Black. Your life is important."

"Spirit, pardon my French, but who the fuck are you? I have never seen you in the halls with others of your…sort."

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Never Been. Do you wish to see the way tonight's events would be playing out had you not been born? Take my hand."

Sirius looked from the specter's hand to his own then to the lantern he held. He reached out, expecting to grasp nothing, but his hand was clamped firmly in the Ghost of Christmas Never Been's hand.

"Come now, to the Black family household."

"That can't be my house," Sirius said, looking around the vaguely familiar living room. His brother was sitting at the foot of the tree shaking presents. His father was in a chair next to Regulus, sipping what appeared to be hot chocolate. But what surely convinced Sirius was his mother. She was wearing an apron with flour splotches on it, a grin plastered to her face. His mother was never this cheery.

"Things have been going well for this family. They do not have a blood traitor for a son you must remember. Their part of the line has remained pure."

"Wow, I never realized I made 'em that miserable. I'm good."

"Let us move on."

The Ghost of Christmas Never Been led him to the Hogwarts Library, where Lily Evans and a not quite as greasy Snape were kissing under mistletoe.

"Oh, God, make it stop." Sirius shrieked, covering his eyes with his hands. "I thought Evans and Snape were just friends."

"No, without you constantly pointing out his flaws (which she secretly took into account) she thought about it and saw no reason not to date him."

"This isn't that bad,' Sirius admitted. Snape's hand disappeared into Lily's shirt, which made Sirius want to take back what he had just said.

"Well, if things would continue this way, Lily would marry Snape, not James and your godson would never be born."

"My godson?"

"Yes, a godson you would cherish and he would save the wizarding and muggle world alike. But I guess this isn't that bad. Now, come."

The spirit led him to the grave yard in Hogsmade. A very light snow was falling and the trees looked black against the gray sky. The two joined a tall man with a brown wool coat and Gryffindor scarf. His hair was unruly and square glasses framed his eyes. The man Sirius knew as James Potter was standing before a simple grave stone. In a clear vase with a big gold bow, James placed a single yellow rose.

"So? James is alone on Christmas, big deal!"

"You do no see the writing, the name, on this grave?"

"Sirius squinted through the now rapidly falling snow to see better than before. Yet the grave remained unmarked.

"I still don't know what 'm supposed to see."

"Let me enlighten you." The spirit raised his arm, the one with the lantern. The golden light trickled out and spread across the graveyard like a bucket of paint.

Sirius could now see.

**Remus Lupin**

"No!" Sirius whimpered. "This can't be true." He kneeled before the spirit clasping at his robe. "Change it!"

"He kills himself."

"Change it!"

"He couldn't stand being alone."

"Change it!"

"James always wanted to befriend but he never had that little push to do. The little push that was provided by you."

"Stop! I get it. I want to live."

"What is it?"

"I WANT TO LIVE! Let me live so he can live!"

Within the blink of an eye, he was back in his bed, the red blankets twisted around his torso. Somewhere the clock struck twelve.

Lying in the pile was the present that James had aimed at his head.

Sirius reached out for the package and tore greedily at the paper.

Resting in the white box was a ripped piece of parchment.

The present wasn't from James as he had originally assumed.

Written in black ink was exactly what Sirius had wanted most of all.

Forgiveness


End file.
